This week I turn 30.  This is long, personal, genuine and very raw, so don’t read if you are easily offended.

Out of 30 years, I have been an adult out exploring the world for 12 of them.  For the greater part of my first 18 years, I just wanted to be a grown up.  When I turned 14 I was almost 16.  When I turned 17 I was almost 18.  And obviously after that I was almost 21 for three years (and according to a few fake ID’s I was).  All of that wanting to grow up and when I finally went out on my own I absolutely royally effed up my first few years of newfound freedom.  My attitude was literally insane, I am not sure what reality I was living in, but it sure all seemed like a good idea at the time.

I grew up in two households of parents who get along famously.  I had a life of privilege, of opportunity.  I never worried about anything growing up and I absolutely know that that puts me in a minority.  I have nothing but gratitude for my parents and family who made my life what it is.  I also will never apologize or feel guilty for “being spoiled” because my parents worked their asses off to give me what they did and make my life so easy and treating that as anything but magnificent would discredit their efforts.  And they taught me the value of work ethic and how to make my own way in the world.  They didn’t give me “things” as much as experiences and opportunities and time.  I fully intend to repay the universe by providing the same for my children and being a happy, health person that puts more into life than I take out.

My mom never made me puke in a toilet.  We wore a green plastic bowl on our heads when we were sick and that’s what we puked in.  She gave me a piece of string cheese the first day I got my temps and we drove to Wausau because she knew I’d eat in the car on my own.  When I was grounded (which was a fair amount), we set puzzles, and when she went out of town while I was grounded I would recruit my friends to help me set puzzles so that I could sneak out of the house at 10pm and still have put a solid 6 hours into a puzzle (2 hours x 3 people).  She knew but I think she at least appreciated the effort.  She let us pile in the back of her station wagon and once she gave us an entire gallon of Dawn dish soap so that we could try to have a slip and slide with just our bodies and the slanted black top driveway.  She picked days to keep one us out of school just to spend a whole day together, sans siblings.  And she’s a major prankster, and she loved getting us.  Mom never had to spank me.  She would just sit in a corner and cry.  That right there was effective parenting so take notes.  Our relationship has grown into a deep friendship.  She has bailed my ass out of numerous blunders and I repay her with my wit and fine company (All. The. Time. Sometimes I am pretty sure she tells me she’s going out of town and just turns the lights off at home to get a break).  When I moved back in with her at 26, complete with my two big dogs, she heated her garage for us. We lived in the third stall for a year and our curling buddies will never be wise to the fact that I actually slept in the house.

My dad played Yahtzee and Back Alley with us once a week.  He blared the music in the car and taught me my love of singing while we danced like no one was watching.  I learned to play the air guitar to Janie’s Got a Gun and our family still gets on tables to sing Cheeseburger in Paradise.  He made me the best Eggs Benedict every morning of my senior year and he even sent plates covered with tin foil to keep it hot for Dana.  And we dipped into The Best Batch Ever of marinade every time we had pork chops.  We went to Ft. Myer’s Beach every summer for 17 years. We also went skiing once for four days and Dad wasn’t awesome at it but bet your ass he gave it his all to spend time with his four kids.  When I moved in with him after college, we went out to the bar and called each other roommates.  He put me to work in the kitchen at Diamond Dave’s in Appleton when I was 10 during Christmas season washing dishes.  I was terrified of wet lettuce.  But $5 an hour cash was baller for a 10 year old and I have had a job ever since.  Dad has been resilient when no one expected him to be and is the epitome of a desirable patriarch.

I would be remiss not to mention my step-parents who have been my parents since I was 3 (It’s weird to type “step” as we don’t use that word in general about anyone in our family).  Brian has cooked meals and set up assembly lines for wontons in his red apron since the beginning of time.  He brought our family together to candlelight dinner every night and made sure we put towels over the cloth on our chairs before we sat down.  We learned manners and classical music and read from the dictionary.   We laugh.  Sometimes we annoy Mom by what we laugh at I’m pretty sure.  Brenda and I went shopping during every Packer game.  She never hesitated to start a project with me, which never yielded her anything.  She painted my nails and dyed my hair and traded off with Mom taking me to Junior PGA tournaments for years.

I’m stupid lucky to have these four in my life as a constant.  They didn’t act like their job was done when I was 18 and I think I probably gave them some of the worst runs for their money (literally sometimes real money, too) after I left home.  End of the day- Bo and Tom would be proud of all of us.  And we always have them as a beacon of how we want to be in each other’s lives.

Somehow, after I left home for college I got my Bachelor’s Degree in four years.  Now that a lot of dust is settled, I guess I’m glad I got that piece of paper, but looking back at college is not something I do fondly.  I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life aside from be drunk and I was very good at that.  I had a ton of fun with some awesome friends but I definitely would do things differently going back.  And that’s not something I say lightly.  The further I get from high school and college the less I believe in the current Institution of Education in this country.  I have since pursued education that has changed my life, not just my career.  And I have actually learned, unlike in college.

I apparently really believe in the Institution of Marriage though, having gone down that aisle- I mean road- twice.  I had it right the first time until I didn’t.  Then my life just kind of stopped and I knew nothing would ever be the same.  I fell in love in Indiana, in North Carolina, in South Carolina, in Barnes and Noble, in Rhode Island, in Massachusetts, in Wisconsin, in Pennsylvania, in Virginia, in Mexico, in the bathroom at The Office and via Skype.  Down the ability to march thanks to a knee injury and a broken heart, I left Navy OCS to move to Charlotte.  I got job at *pause for effect* the Olive Garden and spent my last dollar at Dixie’s more than once.  Home wasn’t a place anymore, it was Jasper.

With my hair chopped off and my new-to-me Trail Blazer, I figured out as much of life as I needed to and got to making memories.  My heart and soul long for those simple times.  And by simple, I don’t mean easy.  I mean the most serious conversations we had were about what side of the shower was the correct side to get in on and agreeing to disagree, since then we could get in at the same time.  I mean even though we slept on our roommate’s bed because we didn’t have one and had to decide between gas or a movie, we cherished sharing oranges and cigarettes (can life be anymore simple than not even caring that we smoked?).

I was swept away time after romantic, original and badass time.  I went on a mission in a humvee, sang with the band in an Irish bar, bought a ball gown on a credit card and danced all night. I played, laughed, loved, seriously, in every sense of the word, loved.  And then we took couple to family status one day when we picked up a shy, brindle puppy and named him Bunker.  Bunker was the kind of puppy that peed on Jehovah’s witnesses and never had another accident in the house.  He cuddled like a teddy bear and growled at his reflection to let me know it was there.  Aside from getting our own place and some money, life could not have been better.  Every single day was the happiest day of my life in Charlotte.

Until June 17, 2009.  I knew it was coming.  Maybe it made us even more intense in the months leading up.  Jasper deployed to Iraq and when I came home from the airport, Bunker sat by the front door waiting for Daddy to come through.  I cried.  And I cried.  And I smoked cigarettes.  And I got another job.  After a few weeks, I settled in and gave myself the task of making Jasper’s homecoming the best thing possible.  He got home the day after my birthday, over five months after he left.  And we were rockstars.  We went to Mexico, we bought a new SUV, we got a new puppy for Bunker to have a buddy and traveled around the country and settled back in Raleigh, where I would begin Nursing School and we would ultimately start our family.  We partied and we loved.

And then came Deployment #2.  And darkness, and many more cigarettes, and depression.  I moved home after that and got a job in insurance.  Which surprisingly I loved.  Jasper and I figured shit out, bought a house, had a seriously fabulous wedding in Vegas where I gained TWO last names and got pregnant.

We’re through 9/10’s of my life at this point but aside from meeting Jasper, it hadn’t even started yet.

Through some flimsy self research on Nutrition, I began questioning everything mainstream about health, lifestyle, food, environment but I was still barely nudging in the direction of making changes.  When I started seeing my Nutrition Response Testing practitioner, my life changed, my son’s life was absolutely saved from pain and discomfort, and I found my purpose.  In just over two years, I have pursued Advanced Clinical Training for NRT in Clearwater and Health Coaching online and in NYC.  We have removed chemicals from our house, migrated to a Primal lifestyle, and completely revised our healthcare, and ultimately our health.  I even changed my entire career and started my own business to follow this passion  I question everything.  I have confidence and if I don’t know the answer, I know where to find it.

I have surrounded myself with people who are a step ahead of me on the path I want to be on.  As a Nutritionist, as a mother, as a wife, as a person, as a friend, as an athlete.  I love to love.  I believe that I am a beautiful soul with an able body and an exquisite mind.  Every night when I close my eyes, I think of the top three things I’m thankful for that day and I’m thankful that I always fall asleep before I can narrow it down.  I have experienced passion and life.  I know that I haven’t seen a fraction, especially the scary or luxurious fraction of the world but I am humbled by my surroundings and grateful for the safety of them.

If I have learned and accomplished this much in seriously six and a half years (minus childhood and the blurry drunken phase), I cannot imagine what my future holds.  I have been in a long-distance relationship for more than half of my 20’s.  Which makes me an expert in that field.  I’m also a Writer, a Singer, an Amateur Photographer, a CrossFitter and a blossoming Chef.

I quit smoking 14 months ago but I’m still addicted.  I’m addicted to a lot of things.  Some define me, like adventure and laughter and my collections and tattoos.  Which join the ranks of the titles that define me like Mom, wife, Nutritionist, Homesteader and beyond.

It makes me realize that the next 30 years hold so much it’s astonishing.  I mean, really… someday in the future I’m going live with my husband.  Just that.  My son is going to grow up.  My heart breaks just thinking about it.  I don’t think about it for long though.  This life is best lived in the present.  Today I have my little Maca, Bunker, Kinzley, Winnie and Jasper via Skype.  I have everything in the world that I could possibly want.  Not because my Amazon cart is empty, but because what I have is perfect.

Jasper and Mac aren’t just the best things around me, they are the biggest part of me.

I treasure my past, I relish in my present and my personal mission statement is how I’m approaching my future. Here’s the most up-to-date version:

Create a life of purpose and peace by surrounding myself with energy and positivity, deliberately seeking balance and grounding; and always be continuing my education.

To accomplish this I will:

Always err on the side of grace and tact, assume the best in every character, and give the benefit of the doubt. Be fair. Favor a holistic approach. Infinitely keep an open mind. Remain compassionate toward circumstance, sans judgment. Build trusting relationships, beginning with self-trust and extreme self-care. Foster growth in and empower others to achieve goals. Reduce stressors and simplify what can be. Be unreasonable with stops and barriers.

Take care to reflect. Take care to be thankful daily.

Evolve with consistence toward a sustainable life, impacting the environment less and pursuing dense primary and secondary fuels, the former being relationships with self, others, spirituality, physical activity and purpose, and the latter being the food that we need to live and thrive. Seek moderation in all things, including moderation. And to take action on this life and health of body and be mindful that it’s the only one we have.

Seek knowledge based on interest and passion and apply to life, including sharing graciously when fit.

Finally, and this may be ambitious, but I want to bankrupt drug companies and get girl scouts to sell something else.

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Expect another blog on highlights/experiences/things I’ve learned 🙂  And thanks for reading.

Alex Braskey Hartinger