“It is said that women in labor leave their bodies, travel to the stars, collect the souls of their babies and return to earth together.”

The first time I gave birth I was in a hospital, and it went like a typical hospital birth. I was scheduled for induction but luckily went into labor 7 hours prior to it. We still went at our scheduled time since my contractions were regular. I was managing and even cracking jokes with Jasper until my water was broken for me. The contractions changed instantly and I was ready for my epidural. The first epidural I got was a complete failure. So a few minutes later the anesthesiologist came back for round 2. This time it worked on the right side of my body. This no doubt majorly slowed down the process but eventually I made it to pushing. He was sunny side up and after two hours of pushing I was threatened with a C-section so we considered a vacuum extraction a win.

When I found out I was pregnant last Fall, I knew that I would be going down a different path. I found the most amazing midwives and read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth and prepared for a natural birth. Jasper and I liked the idea of going somewhere so that our dogs wouldn’t have the stress of my labor at home after moving twice in the past three months.

We took a birthing class together and talked about what labor and delivery would look like. Jasper was apprehensive at first about not going to a hospital but his confidence grew throughout the pregnancy as we talked about it and learned. After all, child birth is a perfectly natural physiological experience, not a disease so why do we treat it like a problem and put women in hospitals to do something their bodies are designed to do and perfectly capable of.

Regardless of my resolve, I still had anxiety about contractions and the perceived vulnerability that I would experience. The fact that Jasper and I broke up months ago added to that but he’s still my person and I knew he would be my outlet through all of it.

To prepare for labor I got my brand new diffuser ready, my selenite harmonizers for peace and grounding, a crock pot of washcloths for hot lavender compresses and a stack of birth affirmations.

A week before my due date I had contractions start on a Friday morning in my sleep but they stopped after 3 hours. Saturday morning they were back and consistently 11 minutes apart and felt very real.  Then they fizzled out by the afternoon. Sunday morning they started again and a few had me hunched over my kitchen counter. Then they stopped. For a week.

The following Saturday morning was the same story. I even texted my brother and sister-in-law because I was certain we were making progress and my sister-in-law was my birth photographer. Contractions completely fizzled out by early afternoon. Late afternoon I had some random, much stronger contractions. Sunday morning, the same. Sunday afternoon I sent Tommy and Toni home and felt nothing for almost three days.

Wednesday morning, 11 fricken days after contractions started, I had bloody show when I woke up. However, given my eratic “labor” thus far, I did not get TOO excited (I got a little excited). Contractions started up soon after but were completely random. Nevertheless, Toni made her way to Wausau in preparation as we figured it couldn’t be too long! I was past my due date also by five days then so I felt good about him being ready to come. I told Jasper to finish up what he needed to at work and plan on not making it there all day.

And the contractions stopped.

Thursday morning I had very few contractions but more bloody show. I finally Googled “start and stop labor” and there was an actual name for it, Prodromal labor, aka false labor. Only there was nothing false about it. The contractions were very real, as the articles confirmed. I felt better that I wasn’t just going crazy. The articles all also noted that the silver lining to this phenomenon was that when labor progressed, it did so quickly.

My issue, as I told Jas right away, was  how the hell am I going to know when it’s the real thing because it all feels real!? 

I took a shower and went to lunch. Contractions started up again and were coming about every ten minutes. This now meant nothing to me aside from some discomfort while eating or talking if a contraction came on. I went and got a matcha lemonade and had Jasper drive me to get adjusted. I did some inversions when I got home as the midwife thought his head position may have something to do with labor stopping. She said 15 minutes. I made it 7..

But the contractions were coming every 6-8 minutes so I told Jasper to finish up at work (again) and hurry home. With gluten free pizza. Because food. I was starving and had a hunch that was my last meal for a little while. The rushes stopped while I ate dinner (nice of them) and started back up after I ate at least a half a pizza that I knew I had a good chance of throwing up later.

My midwife said hang out until the contractions were a minute long for an hour. They got to a minute and I still had about four in between and I just walked through them barefoot in the driveway with my selenite in my hands. After an hour of that, the contractions were consistent but the intensity was not picking up so she suggested a shower and to try to rest. I knew rest wouldn’t happen but I got in the shower to see what would.

Within a minute in the shower my next contraction came on stronger and then a few minutes later another that required me to hold onto the bar in the shower and really have to focus to keep my face relaxed. Fuck the shower, I got out asap. Toni had driven to our house in the meantime so we could all ride to the birth center together. She asked if she should pump and I said yeah, 20 minutes would give me a good idea of where this was headed. The next contraction was this one:


The midwife suggested the shower at 8:38 and right after this contraction we got in the car at about 9:05. The rushes were strong but I found if I turned around in my chair and hugged the seat I could manage. Toni asked me what breathing technique I was using and I told her, “Survival.” The first half of the 55 minute ride went like this and they were still 5 minutes apart.

Then I couldn’t turn around anymore. Then Jasper asked me politely not to break his trigger finger.

At one point we needed to turn from one country road onto another and I managed to speak. “Do. Not. Turn. This car. Stop and I will tell you when to go.” We ever so gradually came to a stop until I gave the okay to turn.

We called Mac to say goodnight on the way and he was beyond excited that we were “going to get the baby out.” I managed to say I love you and goodnight.

About 8 minutes from the birth center I had a strong feeling of nausea and in the books they said that was transition and in my head I was like Holy shit, but this just got real. This can’t be it.

But it was. This was the only time I fully lost my mind but as our midwife pointed out later, I was literally holding him in by then.

When we pulled up, Karen (midwife) came to meet us at the car. She told me to relax because we needed to go inside. When a contraction ended I got up and walked in the house, barefoot again, and told her the contractions were on top of each other and I needed to go to the bathroom. She said that might be a head. I said it was probably a few things.

I walked into the bathroom on my own, shut the door and undressed from the waist down. Think about that. Not only was I able to do it in the sense that I was fully dilated but also in the sense that I wasn’t drugged up or hooked up to a bunch of monitors.

I realized as soon as I got in the bathroom that I wasn’t leaving. There were these great handle bars on the walls and I had a very tight death grip on them that I loved. I screamed for Karen and she came in and I said, “I can’t do this.” She said, “Everyone says that at the end. I was still in denial that I had gotten to this point. She reached down and asked if I wanted to feel the head but I could feel exactly where it was without needing my hands. This was it.

Jasper was legit still unloading the car when someone told him that our baby’s head was almost out. I felt a strong instinct to push that felt so amazing. I needed no coaching on where to direct it. My body knew exactly what it was doing.

Soon his head was out and he was making little noises. I was standing/squatting so Jasper came over and helped hold me up, up until then there was nothing he could really do for me. I did not, however, let go of the handle bars. I really loved them.

Shortly after, the rest of our baby was delivered and I was handed my son. His cord was around his neck but this is really common and was no big deal. They just took it off and Jas and I admired him. I am going to post a lot of pics, but the ones from this moment will not make it to social media. The raw emotion in them is so intense. They’re just too sacred.


“Don’t think of it as pain, think of it as an interesting sensation that requires all of your attention.” -Ina May Gaskin



Hugh Bodhi Abel Hartinger was born 8 minutes after we arrived at the home birth center. He did not cry. He had a very peaceful entry into this world. He was 7 pounds, 7 ounces and 20 inches long on 7/20/17.

We walked into the bedroom and held our little man and FaceTimed big brother less than an hour after saying goodnight (Grandma’s mind was blown at this timeline) and luckily he was still awake. Eventually I delivered the placenta. Cord clamping was not done until the cord was white and no longer pulsing. Bodhi laid with me and Jasper for over an hour before he got his newborn exam, which was all done in the bed with us. And at 1am we were headed home.




“Humans are the only species who doubt their ability to give birth. Think about that.” -Ina May Gaskin

Recovery has been a breeze. Even after requiring stitches after Mac’s birth, I only had two very minor tears that were treated with honey and that I have never actually felt. I haven’t had soreness and very little bleeding (I’m comparing this to my first because that’s all I know). I never had the “ring of fire.” Even when I was at the end and telling Jasper I couldn’t do it anymore in the car, I didn’t want drugs, just a break. I didn’t have to worry about keeping an eye on my baby after he was born to make sure he wasn’t assaulted with antibiotics in his eyes, a synthetic and extremely toxic “vitamin” injected into him or a vaccine for a sexually transmitted disease. The midwives wouldn’t dream of taking him out of my sight. I wasn’t pressured into choosing a pediatrician (we won’t have one) or bullied for any reason at any time. My water was allowed to break on its own and it did about 20 seconds before Bodhi’s head came out. I wasn’t forced to birth on my back, which is literally the hardest position to be in (it makes it easier for the doctors though which is why they do it). I had no vaginal exams at any time during pregnancy or labor or delivery (I wouldn’t have if I would have gotten there earlier either). And I have a healthy baby boy who has been extremely successful with breastfeeding.

I still can’t believe how different and wonderful the experience was. I would do it again and again and I will share with any and everyone so that they can have confidence to have a natural birth of their own ❤️




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